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What a retired husband does PDF Print E-mail
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Written by Cosmic   
Thursday, 06 January 2011 12:34


What a retired husband does

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on 
her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found
shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she
loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the
following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused
quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this
behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from
the store.. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel,
are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused
the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a
reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with
a union grievance, causing
management to lose time and costing
the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring
pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which
twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he
began crying and screamed, ' Why can't you people just leave
me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and
used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the
loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no
toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

If you don't send this to 12 of your dearest friends,
your property taxes will go up, your stocks will go
down, and your middle will spread. (How's that for a
curse?!?)  What? It's already come true? Then send it anyway--




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